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Hey George, How About a Polygraph?

Posted By: Reg
Date: 2, September 05, at 12:47 a.m.


A TvNewsLIES FANTASY - TVNL Contributing Editor

Note: An employer can request an employee to submit to a polygraph test if "the test is being administered in connection with an ongoing investigation.Ē Employee Polygraph Protection Act (EPPA). 1988. Applicable to George W. Bush, Public Servant, USA.


Hey, this is my fantasy, so donít nitpick. Itís my scenario, so Iíve secured a completely fool-proof lie detector run by the worldís best polygraph expert. Iíve arranged for the test to be broadcast live by every radio and television network in the entire country. And, fantasy of fantasies, George W. Bush has agreed to answer my questions, unaided by external feeds and unaccompanied by Karl Rove or Dick Cheney, while hooked up to the machine. Heck, if Iím going to hallucinate, letís make it good.

I bet that millions of Americans share this daydream. Just imagine having George W. Bush, President of these United States, alone in a room for just one hour. And imagine being able to question him freely about his disastrous presidency. And then, for one fantastic moment, imagine putting him in the position of having to tell the truth! For sure, in my fantasy, and with my special polygraph, heíd have to tell the truth.

Remember this is my fantasy and itís my polygraph. So, with every lie, there would be a loud, piercing sound emitted from the machine With every lie, the nation would hear the words YOU JUST LIED, GEORGE blasted into their homes and printed in large block letters across their TV screens. That should be a rather forceful incentive for George Bush to avoid the lies he tells so well. Itís my fantasy, so heíll have to opt for telling the truth or having his lies exposed to everyone, everywhere. Now, thatís a really first-class fantasy if I say so myself.


As I said, itís my fantasy, so I set the rules:

* One full hour, no support staff, no notes, no phone calls, and no appeals for outside help. George Bush will answer every question with a YES or NO response only. In place of either response, he may choose not to answer the question at all. Of course, since this is a fair fantasy, he also may evoke the Fifth Amendment at any time during the test.

* There will be only twenty questions, out of a possible thousand. Thatís so youíll keep reading this to the end. There is a moral to my fable. Trust me.

* George Bush will be given a copy of the questions to be asked prior to testing. Polygraph tests are not designed to surprise, startle, or cause distress. However, on second thought, that does not really apply in this case. Until now, one has ever dared to pose any question that would demand a truthful answer from the President. As a result, every single query is bound to be a surprise that will startle and surely cause the man some distress. Fantasies are sometimes uncomfortable.

* During the polygraph test, each question will be asked orally in clear and standard English George Bush may ask for clarification of any words or phrases he finds confusing or with which he is unfamiliar. If he still does not understand the question, it will be rephrased in simpler form. No one will ever be able to say that this fantasy was elitist or unfair.

* And now, the significant part of this vision unfolds. Picture the scene as the questions are about to begin: George Bush is seated at a table, strapped comfortably to the polygraph. He smiles a bit nervously at the camera, knowing he is center stage in all of America. Someone says lights, camera, and action, as seems appropriate at this fantastic moment. Here we goÖ


Cowards in Congress

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